My cat has replaced my wife.

That realization made me face the fact that I was a poor excuse for a human. How could any decent person feel that a cat could replace a beloved wife whose unexpected passing left such a chasmic hole?

It's only coming to me now that the universe has somehow given K back to me. Both in the physical sense as her ashes are in a niche in the room in which I spend  most of my existence and in the not physical indication of her essence being here.

I didn't believe it at first but thinking about that hypothesis made me begin assembling observations to determine whether I was crazy or have stumbled onto something more. That got me to reviewing Buddy's history with me.

I can show (as can others) that Buddy Tiptoe changed the very nature of my immediate environment upon his arrival. This house transformed from a lonely place of despair to one filled with calm. From roiling agitation to Zen-like peace quiet.

Clues:

The way he eats. He is finiky. He's willing to try anything but if he doesn't like it, you might as well throw it away. But he is pretty tolerant for the most part for whatever he gets.

The way he organizes the spaces he inhabits. For the most part, Buddy is always close by. It's gotten to the point where I always have to look down before I move. This is especially true when I'm in the kitchen. If I'm sitting in my chair watching the tube at night, he will use me as a pathway to get from the chair's arm to the TV table to his own chair. On days when I'm sad or depressed he seems to sense it and will often jump into my lap, sit there and look at me. On the other hand, he is also quite independent. He often decides to take a break from me by going upstairs to sleep, and he will later reappear like a crewman materializing on Star Trek.

His eyes. When you look him in the eye he really looks back into yours. His eyes are beautiful to look at but you can never be certain what he's thinking.

He moves smoothly. Unhurried. But he always gets to his destination. When he has a case of the poop crazies, he rockets around here like a supersonic dust mop.

All of these traits comfort me. They surround me like an fluffy blanket. Somehow, K is still here.

It's a most wondrous pain. She still is giving me the will to continue one more day.