At some point I have to decide on a coarse of action.

On one hand, I feel like a total failure. All these years exposed to the finest of human civilization and I still can't see the tie between quarks, neutrinos, Higgs bosons and my experience of reality as I sit and watch TV. That transition from quarks, to atoms, to molecules, to objects, to self-awareness is just so awesome.

On another hand, I am quite proud that I've been exposed to the shear complexity and beauty of whatever this is. Whatever death proves to be, I don't see how it can negate the experiences I've had.

So, failure or not, I've been experiencing life for 70 years and each day is more spectacular than the previous.