My first experience with crabapples has been interesting.

I've kept a crabapple tree near my driveway for over 20 years. It's always been a pain to crunch through its fallen crop each year, but the beauty of its spring blossoms and festive colors in fall have made the tree's presence endurable. This year has even become remarkable. There have never been so many apples on that tree before. Branches hang heavy with the weight of clusters of the cherry-sized fruits.

I decided that perhaps I could gain some benefits to having this bounty from crabappledom so I went on the web and googled crabapple recipes. I chose one called Crabapple-CranberrySlow Cooker Chutney. Hmmm. I had all the ingredients and those ingredients indicated that the dish would be sweet/tart with a back tone of rosemary floating on a base of sweet apples tinged with garlic and sauteed onions. Could go good with chicken and turkey. What the heck. Popped all ingredients into slow cooker and set the dial. While it simmered and bubbled for eight hours, I flirted with dreams of hitting the big time with a popular taste like reality TV's Roloff family pumpkin salsa.

When I first encountered the chutney's spicy sweet/tart taste last night, I was pleasantly surprised. (Chutney is a popular side dish from India. It can be made with many different ingredients.) The taste of this chutney had real potential. It could be personalized. I could foresee marketing "Ken's Crisp Crabapple Chutney."

I have now enjoyed the fruits of my labor for about 24 hours.  In that time I have decided to rename my base product, which, due to truth in advertising law, will now be called: "Enema in a Jar." Considering there seems to be little to be attained by personalizing such a product, there will be no marketing campaign after all.

In the many hours I found myself with belt around ankles, I contemplated what should be done with all the "chutney" I had. At one point, during one of my product's many explosive events of a magnitude even NASA would admire, I realized that perhaps this cleansing could be passed on to those most in need of a good clearing out.

So, a little filling of some semi-fancy jars, a ribbon, a nice bow, and hey, here we have a little pre-holiday gift to get the festivities started. Have this with your turkey. It's from the web. You'll love it.

The question now is: who gets the chutney?